Don't you send me to vm
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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