I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
