I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
