On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
