She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
