She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
