: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
