I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
