I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
