Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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