drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
