I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
