Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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