So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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