He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
