You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
