How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
