I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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