I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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