I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
