i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
