I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
