dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
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