4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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