You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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