Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
