Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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