Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
