Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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