can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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