ugly people sure do ruin things
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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