mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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