Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
