Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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