She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
