Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
