I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
