I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
