At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
