My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He better not be in your backpack
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
