somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
