I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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