Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
