SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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