dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We smell like vodka and hangover
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