Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
