If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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