There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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