Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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