This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it penis luge time yet?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
