I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
