watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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